The Truth About Rudolph

By:  Don "da Pyrate" Winfield

My wife says I'm crazy. She should probably know. She spent her whole career in the mental health field. This time though, I'm pretty sure she's wrong. I guess she had to think something was wrong with me, however. She couldn't figure out why I spent so much time researching the origin of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer.

Sure, I may be crazy, but I have uncovered the true story. With time, stories usually become different from the original, and often meander away from the truth. Lines spoken and not recorded can change completely in context and meaning from what was actually said. Such is the true story of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

The century was one in the higher end of the single digits, so it was a very long time ago. Before it was called St Petersburg, Novgorad was a thriving city in a vast cold land we now know as Russia. Winters there are always harsh but the winter that year was especially cold and brutal. In fact, it looked as though there would be no Christmas in Novgorad that year because of the extreme frigid weather. Everyone knew it was just too cold for Santa and his reindeer to fly.

All the children of Novgorad were very sad, but because it was so cold, they couldn't cry. If they cried, their tears would freeze on their faces. The icy tears would build up in layers, until the children became encased in giant ice cubes. That was unacceptable, because then they could no longer go to school, or do their household chores. It was truly a hard winter in Novgorad, with the cold temperatures causing the prospect of there being no visit from Father Christmas. Of course in Russia he was known as Ded Moroz. Pronounced properly, it isn't as bad as it seems. It means the same thing as Santa Claus, and he has the same red suit and long white beard.

Since it was so cold and with a strong likelihood that they would receive no Christmas presents that year, the dry eyed children of Novgorad just shivered in their cold little houses, looking sad and pathetic. That's how it was all over town including the home of Rudolph and Natasha Ivanov and their five children. Natasha was brewing up hot drinks and baking delicious wood fire cookies, trying to cheer up the Ivanov brood. Rudolph sadly shook his head. It wasn't working.

Rudy knew you couldn't cure the heartbreak of no Ded Moroz with tepid gruel and tasteless flat bread.

The science of meteorology was in it's infancy in the ninth century. Alright, you got me. In the 800s, nobody had a clue about scientific weather prognostication. It was a little before there were Meteorologists. Most everybody just looked outside and said, “yep, it's snowing.” Or maybe it wouldn't be snowing, so they'd say, “nope, it's not snowing,” However, young Novgoradian Rudolph Ivanov, took a more critical look at the situation.

Rudy (his buds down at the local pub called him Rudy) would look outside and see what the weather was like, then write it down in his journal. After 9 years of note taking, Rudy thought he could see a pattern. He eventually realized that if it was winter in Russia, it was probably going to be cold, and it was also likely that it would snow. He also noted that in Winter if it wasn't all that cold, it might rain instead of snow. He could even predict that if it was getting warmer in the evening, it might rain overnight. He also noted that rainy days in Winter were usually foggy, but that doesn't matter in this story. This led the quick minded Rudy to think he could extrapolate the data from previous Winters' notes, to predict what the weather would be tomorrow, by what it was like today. Yep. Sort of like an early Farmers Almanac.

It was the day before Christmas, 849 AD. We'll call it December 24th, but nobody seems sure when they actually celebrated Christmas way back then. Anyway, Rudy went outside early that evening. He looked skyward and predicted that Ded Moroz would be making his run as scheduled. Strangely, he was the only person in Novgorad who thought Ded Moroz as going to make it. Soon, the word was all over Novgorad that Rudy the weatherman had finally gone totally off his nut.

“He's coming, Natasha,” Rudy said. “It'll be warm enough for Ded Moroz's sleigh to fly.”

“No way!” said Natasha.

“Way,” said Rudy.

“No way,” said his good neighbor Boris.

“Way,” said Rudolph. “You'll see. It's going to be warmer. In fact, it's going to rain. He'll be wearing a slicker, but Ded Moroz will come tonight.”

Boris just rubbed his neck, shook his head, and walked back to the pub. “That Rudy's is crazier than a no legged cat trying to kick a flea,” he mumbled.

Christmas morning, when the good people of Novgorad looked out their windows, they were amazed to see rain dripping from their eves. There were familiar hoof and sleigh tracks in their slush covered yards.

The children cried tears of joy. Really. They didn't freeze on their faces! In the living room of every little house there stood a fresh, gaily decorated tree. Every tree was surrounded by piles of presents. Against every prediction, all the children of Novgorad had a very “Happy Christmas”.

Overjoyed, Natasha ran to Rudy, threw her arms around him and kissed him in delight. “Rudy, how did you do it? How could you ever have kept up such optimism? It's been below zero for the last eight weeks. What made you think you could predict warmer weather for Christmas Eve?”

“Well,” Rudy grinned and uttered the words that have been misinterpreted for all these centuries. “Natasha, you of all people should certainly know. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

Over the years, that famous line became misconstrued to refer to the antlered animals who pull Ded Moroz's sleigh. Eleven hundred years later, a singing American cowboy would sing a song about it, making the fictitious red nosed reindeer, a Christmas hero.

Merry Christmas, everybody!